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DENISON’S ACTING PLAYS. 

A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Lar^e Catalogue Free. 
Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid- Unless Different Price is Given. 


M. F. 


DRAMAS. COMEDIES. ENTER- 
TAINMENTS. Etc. 

M. F. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1 54 

hrs.(25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs.6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2 54 

hrs.(25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs... 4 5 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr.(25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) .. - • 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 254 hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 254 hrs.5 3 

.Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

1)4 hrs.7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

2 l /\ hrs.(25c) 6 4 

Down ill Dixie, 4 acts, 2*4 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 254 hrs.... 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr.(25c) 10 

Elma, 1 Yx hrs.(25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, 1 Yx h.(35c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, 154 hrs.(25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs.(25c) 4 4 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 254 hrs.(25c) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

154 hrs.(25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish),2 acts, 154 h. 8 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs.(25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h.>.(25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hr«*.„ . j.4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 254 

hrs.(25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. .(25c) 5 4 
It’s All in the Pay Streak, 3 

acts, 1 Yx hrs.(25c) 4 3 

Jayville Junction, 154 hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 

254 hrs. (25c) 7 5 

Kingdom of Heart’s Content, 3 

acts, 254 hrs.(25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min....(25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 254 hrs. 

(25c) .7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

154 hrs.(25c) 10 


Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h.. 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) .5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 254 

hrs.(25c) 9 5 

Mirandy’s Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr.3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs.5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

lYx hrs.7 4 

Old Maid’s Club, 154 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Ilick’ry Holler, 

154 hrs.(25c) 12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 154 hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

254 hrs.(25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs....6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Pet of Parson’s Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 
School Ma’am, 4 acts, 1)4 hrs.. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 154 hrs. 7 3 
Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 254 h. 8 3 
Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 154 hrs.. 7 2 
Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.... 2 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 Ifrs.7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min.... (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs.(25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of-Leave Man, 4 acts, 2)4 

hrs.8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2 54 

hrs.(25c) 7 4 

Topp’s Twins, 4 acts, 2 h..(25c) 6 4 
Trip to Storyland, 154 hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs.(25c) 8 3 
Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 254 

hrs. (25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETTAS, Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min.3 

Assessor, The, 10 min.3 2 

Aunt Matilda’s Birthday Party, 

35 min. 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min.3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min....2 2 

Billy’s Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

J Billy’s Mishap, 20 min....2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min'.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min.2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min...2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min...23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min... 7 
Country Justice, 15 min. .....'. 8 
Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



























































JUST LIKE A WOMAN 


A COMEDIETTA 


BY 


CARABEL LEWIS MUNGER 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 
Publishers 




JUST 

' W\ 4-* 

-TV 'fM 

LIKE A WOMAN 

* 


CHARACTERS. 


Joshaway Alexander Smith . A Fanner 

Bartholomew Smith . The Son Who Lives in Buffalo 

John Austin Hazenstab . Polly’s Lover 

Mrs. Smith . . K :.Joshaway’s Wife 


Dorris Duncan. .. 
Polly Pepper. 

.. A Neighbor’s Daughter 

Domestic Service in the City 


Place— The Old Farm. 

Time of Playing— Thirty-five Minutes. 

• 

t ‘ ,, * 

p 

4 • 

COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 














JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


3 


COSTUMES. 

Toshaway —Blue overalls, no coat or vest, torn straw 
hat, heavy shoes. 

Mrs. Smith —Calico dress and bib apron. 
Bartholomew —Business suit, neat in appearance. 
Dorris —Cotton dress, white apron and sunbonnet. 
Polly—V ery showily dressed in country fashion. 

Tohx —Wears a plain, neat suit but has the appearance 
of a farmer. 


PROPERTIES. 

Butter ladle and letter tor Mrs. Smith. Traveling bag, 
pencil and paper for Bartholomew. Covered grape basket 
containing egg for Dorris. 


STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage: C., center; R. C., right cen¬ 
ter; L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc. The 
actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



JUST LIKE A WOMAN 


Scene: Farmhouse kitchen. Chairs and other plain 
furniture to suit convenience. Door R. to adjoining room 
in house and door L. to outside. When curtain rises, Josh- 
away Alexander Smith is sitting in a rocking chair, read¬ 
ing, wears blue overalls, no coat or vest, heavy shoes, a 
torn hat lies near on the floor. 

Enter Mrs. Smith, R. Wears calico dress and bib apron. 
She has a butter ladle in her hand. 

Mrs. Smith. Well, pa, I must say I am all worn out 
toiling and moiling, trying to get the butter as dry as a 
bone, yes sir, dry as a bone, and with the price as it is. I 
declare to goodness! And the eggs, hens stealing their 
nests hither and yon and the merchants wanting eggs 
dated. I’ll eat um, yes sir. I’ll eat every one before I’ll 
date an egg. And me a fussing and whitewashing both 
henhouses, and a puttering with oyster shells. If you 
don’t whitewash the pig pen I shall. Yes, sir, I shall! 
Don’t you say one word, not one word, if you don’t white¬ 
wash that pig pen I shall. Did you hear me say, that I 
have worked that butter until it is a perfect salve? 

Josh away Alexander Smith (who has not looked up 
until nozv). What? 

Mrs. S. Oh, good land of deliverance, you ain’t heard 
a single word, not a living syllable. Are you deaf? 

Joshaway. What in thunder ails you? 

Mrs. S. D-e-a-f, deaf. Have you gone deaf or are you 
a lunyack? 

Joshaway. I shall be both if you don’t stop hying around 
like a hen on a hot Johnny-cake. Matilda you act like an 
old setting hen. 


4 


% 



JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


5 


Mrs. S. Oh! Ho! Ho! You have called me an old 
setting hen, and it don't seem more than yesterday that 
you called me a pink hollyhock and wanted to hear me 
talk all the time, and now you read right along when I’m 
telling you the most interesting things. 

Josh away. Well, never mind, ma. You are a hollyhock 
and a pink and a sweet william and a four o’clock in the 
morning. You never have let me sleep after four o’clock 
since we were married, but what did you say ? 

Mrs. S. I said that I’ve worked that butter till it is as 
dry as an old contribution box; you couldn’t wring a mite 
of brine out of it with a clothes wringer, and now if they 
want to fine us, let ’em fine; if they want to tax us, let 
’em tax. I’m tired of the whole performance and now the 
old storage stuff is— 

Joshaway. You mean cold storage. 

Mrs. S. I don’t. 

Joshaway. You do. 

Mrs. S. I don’t. 

Joshaway. You mean cold storage! 

Mrs. S. Joshaway Alexander Smith, I mean old stor¬ 
age, butter ten years old, eggs fifteen years old, beef and 
mutton twelve years old, all brought out and dumped into 
the market. I said old storage and I meant old storage. 

Joshaway. All right (returns to reading). 

Mrs. S. (taps him on the head with the butter^ ladle ). 
Did you hear, I said old storage? 

Joshaway. All right, what of it? 

Mrs. S. There is this much of it, Mr. Smith, I am 
tired of puttering, yes sir, I am tired of fiddling. What’s 
the use? I used to think that when we got to be before¬ 
handed and I had a brussels rug and an oval looking glass 
with a gilt frame and a brass bedstead, that I would be 
perfectly happy, but I ain’t. I’m sick of the whole caboodle. 
I never want to see another calf, nor a pig, nor a hen, 
nor a turkey, nor a duck, nor a goose, nor a gobbler, nor 
a gander. 

Joshaway. Oh, pshaw! you’ll feel different in less than 
an hour and be traipsing off after a setting of red Minorcas. 


6 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


Mrs. S. I tell you right now Joshaway Smith, if the 
president of the United States should walk right in here 
this minute with a setting of Baltimore oriole’s eggs, I 
wouldn’t take um. (Joshaway returns to reading , Mrs. S. 
makes a little run toward his chair.) Did you hear? I 
said that I should never set another hen and I won’t, not 
if I could get solid gold eggs, warranted to hatch out 
flying machines. Yes, maybe I would, for then I would 
fly away in one. Wouldn’t the Jenkses and the Perkinses 
be thunderstruck when they saw me flying over the town ? 
What would Deacon Forbes say when he heard that I was 
sailing away in one? 

Joshaway. Mother, what does ail you, are you sick or 
what? You act like all git out. 

Mrs. S. I feel like all git out. I had a letter from 
Bartholomew this morning and he wants us to sell the farm 
and come down to Buffalo to live with him. 

Joshaway. Sell the farm, go to Buffalo to live, Ma N 
be you crazy? 

Mrs. S. No, but I shall be if I stay here. Bartholomew 
says that the insane asylums are just chuck full of farmers’ 
wives. 

Joshaway. Chuck full of purple roosters and pink gob¬ 
blers. What has got into the boy? Where would he spend 
his vacation if we sold the old farm ? I intended to give 
him the two hundred acres over on the plank road for 
Christmas and build him a house next summer and now 
you want to kick the whole thing over. 

Mrs. S. I hated to mention it because I knew you were 
attached to the old pUce, though I can’t see why, but there 
is no use beating about the bush, he wants us to come down 
and live with him. He thinks we have worked long enough. 

Joshaway. Is Gladys Evaline willing? 

Mrs. S. She is more than willing. She is just crazy 
to have us come. Here is his letter ( takes letter from 
pocket and reads aloud): “I know that you and father 
work too hard and we are sure that you will like the city. 
You will never have to do another bit of work and you can 
just sit and rest and enjoy yourselves. You can go out to 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


7 


some place of amusement every afternoon and can have 
fresh strawberries in January, if you want them—” Just 
think of it, pa. We won’t get up till noon any day and we 
won’t ever do another stitch of work. We can go some¬ 
where every day and we can set for hours and hours and 
just fold our hands. Bartholomew has advertised the place 
for sale and he has an offer of $10,000 already. What do 
you think of that? 

Joshaway. I N should say that Bartholomew’was getting 
up stairs pretty fast, advertising the old farm for sale with¬ 
out leave or license. 

Mrs. S. I gave him permission to go ahead and sell the 
farm and what is more, I expect him here any blessed 
minute. There he comes now. 

Enter Bartholomew, L., well dressed and carrying a 
traveling bag. 

Mrs. S. ( rushes and embraces him). Oh you darling 
boy! I ain’t dared to break the news to pa until just now. 

Bartholomew. Hello dad. ( They shake hands). Did 
mother show you the advertisement ? Didn’t I describe the 
place well ? I sent mother a paper, what did you think of it ? 

Joshaway. No, she didn’t show me the paper, and I 
think, Bartholomew, that you took considerable onto your¬ 
self to go and advertise the place without asking me. Tain’t 
the way you was brought up. 

Bartholomew. You see, dad, we knew you would 
never consent. The work is too hard for you and mother 
and we want you to pull stakes and come down to Buffalo 
and live with us. I have a man on the string who will take 
the place just as it stands at $10,000. Now this is Mon¬ 
day. He will come down tomorrow and bring a lawyer 
and all the papers and we will get everything signed up in 
great shape. We will have an auction Wednesday and 
sell all the cows, horses, hogs, hens and the household stuff. 
Friday we will all go to Buffalo and you folks will never 
have to do another rap of work or have another care and 
we’ll, all live happy ever afterward. 

Mrs, S. Did you say household furniture? 


8 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


Bartholomew. Yes, every stick. Our house is full to 
overflowing now and Gladys Evaline said to tell you not 
to bring one thing but your clothes and not many of them, 
for you would have to have a new wardrobe throughout be¬ 
fore you could go anywhere. 

Mrs. S. Hoity toity! You tell Gladys Evaline that my 
black henrietta cloth trimmed with mory antique is good 
enough to wear in Buffalo or anywhere else. That cloth 
cost two dollars a yard and it was forty-two inches wide 
and there are six breadths in the skirt. 

Bartholomew. Never mind mother, you must let 
Gladys Evaline decide what is best for you to wear. You 
can keep all your clothes but the household stuff must be 
sold. 

Mrs. S. Bartholomew Smith, do you think that I would 
go a step without my things ? There’s five stoves and eight 
feather beds with pillows to match, two cherry bureaus and 
three curly maple bureaus, the six-legged table and the black 
walnut fall leaf table, the marble topped stand, the ma¬ 
hogany and hair cloth parlor suit, the brussels rug and the 
oval looking glass, the stuffed sofa, the family record and 
the hair wreath, the wax flowers under the glass globe and 
the bead hanging basket, the brass candlesticks and the 
snuffers and tray, seven hand lamps and the hanging lamp 
with the prisms, the china tea set and the silver teapot and 
the cradle that pa made for you before you were born, and 
as for the bed quilts, there’s the blazing star, the purple 
crow’s track, the double Irish chain, the album, the old 
maid’s puzzle, the basket quilt, the log-cabin, the nine patch, 
five home woven coverlids and six pair of home-made 
woolen sheets, five white spreads and— 

Bartholomew. Now, mother, you can’t take all that 
stuff. If you should take even one of those feather beds 
or one of those blazing star things, Gladys Evaline would 
faint away. She has the most beautiful disposition but she 
can’t bear anything that is not up to date. 

Mrs. S. Then I won’t go. If I do go, I shall also take 
my frying pans, my iron kettles, my egg beater, my choppin’ 
bowl, my pancake turner, my candle molds, my quilting 


9 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 

frames, my two-pail brass kettle to make boiled cider apple 
sauce in, my rolling* pin and potato masher that my father 
made with his own hands, and also my pudding stick and 
my mixing board. 

Josh away. Yes, Bartholomew, if we decide to go, yon 
had better let your ma take her own stuff for if she has 
to cook with strange kettles and spiders, she will make a 
failure of it and then there will be no living with her. 

Bartholomew. She won't need them dad. We buy all 
our baked goods and we take only breakfast and lunch at 
home. We take our dinner out. 

Joshaway. Well, your mother is a master hand at that. 
We took our dinner out every Sunday last summer, right 
out under the sweet bow tree. I told ma that the victuals 
tasted better out doors with the birds a-singing and the 
posy garden right there beside us. 

Bartholomew (goes to window and looks out). The 
dear old sweet bow tree, I love every twig of it. Say, dad, 
I want you to ship me some Greenings and Baldwins and 
a few Spitzenburgs and Jill-flowers this fall. 

Joshaway. I thought you said the old place was as good 
as sold? 

Bartholomew. That’s so, but maybe I can get a few 
apples of the man who buys it. I must go down to the 
corners and have some auction bills printed. How many 
cows are there, dad? 

Mrs. S. There’s fifteen, not counting the calves, year¬ 
lings or the two-year-olds (shaking finger at Bartholo¬ 
mew.) But mark you one thing, Bartholomew, I will never 
consent to the sale of old Yaller. 

Joshaway. No siree. We must manage some way to 
keep old Yaller and Bob-tail and Blue-nose and White-foot. 

Mrs. S. The reason that we must keep old Yaller is 
that when you had the fever, all that you had for a month 
was old Yaller’s milk and if I go to Buffalo, old Yaller 
goes too. 

Bartholomew. We won’t discuss that now. I remem¬ 
ber how good that milk tasted. How many colts and 
horses, father? 


10 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


Mrs. S. The snip faced colt won’t be sold. She : is ; old 
Kit’s colt. Bartholomew, did you know that old Kit was 
dead ? 

Bartholomew. Dear old Kit. What a tricky old snipe 
she was. Do you remember when John Hazenstab and I 
went to the circus and the next day tried to do stunts with 
old Kit and she taught us how to do the sailing through 
the air act? 

Mrs. S. And broke John’s arm and raised up a bump 
on your head as big as a quart bowl. Say, have you heard 
the foolish thing that John has gone and done? 

Bartholomew. I heard that his Uncle Peter died and 
left him $500. 

Jositaway. Did you hear what he did with it? 

Bartholomew. No, what did he do with it? 

Mrs. S. Guess. 

Bartholomew. I guess he paid off the mortgage on the 
little farm his father left him, married Polly Pepper and 
settled down. 

Mrs. S. No, sir. He paid the interest on the mortgage 
two years ahead and went right off to an agricultural col¬ 
lege and when he was home last vacation he acted as if 
he was possessed. He brought home a box of dirt and made 
some kind of a bed and put the dirt in. I think he called 
it vaccinating the soil, anyway it was a tom-fool perform¬ 
ance and he sowed on some new kind of stuff and Sarah 
Jones told Miss Quimby that he expected to git several 
crops in one season. 

Bartholomew. Good for John. I bet he’ll make that 
barren old fifty acres pay. How did Polly like it? 

Mrs. S. She was as mad as a hatter and has gone to 
Syracuse to be a maid for some rich folks. She gets $5.00 
a week. She is a pretty girl and it will serve John right 
if he loses her. 

Bartholomew. I think that John was right and if I 
ever farm it, I shall take a course in scientific farming first. 
Mother, how many fowls are there? I want to put them 
on the bill. (He takes out pencil and paper and zvaits.) 

Mrs. S. Sixty white Leghorns and fifty chickens, four 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


11 


hen turkeys and the bronze gobbler and forty-three little 
turkeys, the gray goose and the white Emden gander and 
eleven little goslins. But mind you, Bartholomew Smith, 
not one turkey, chicken nor goslin will be sold till just 
before Thanksgiving, and I won’t part with the old ones 
for love nor money. 

Bartholomew. Well, I’ll order the bills. You will feel 
different tomorrow. ( Exit L.) 

Joshaway {runs to door, after putting on straw hat and 
shouts). Bartholomew! 

Bartholomew enters L. 

Joshaway. Bartholomew, don’t you say one word about 
the old fanning mill in them bills. 

Bartholomew. What do you want of that old rattle 
trap ? 

Joshaway. It was your grandfather’s and I want to 
keep it as long as I live. Tain’t good for anything any¬ 
way, but don’t you dare to sell it. {Exit Bartholomew L.) 

Mrs. S. {shouts). Bartholomew! 

Bartholomew enters L. 

Mrs. S. There’s one thing I meant to ask you. Have 
you got good neighbors in Buffalo ? 

Bartholomew. Neighbors? 

Joshaway. Yes, neighbors. I'm glad ma spoke of it. 
We won’t go if you don’t live in a good neighborly place. 

Bartholomew. What in patience do you want of neigh¬ 
bors ? 

Mrs. S. If you have no neighbors, what do you do in 
case of sickness, or if company comes sudden and unex¬ 
pected and you are out of bread, or if you got poisoned 
with ivy and hadn’t any beet leaves to pound and bind on, 
or if your cattle got into the corn? 

Bartholomew. If we have company, which we seldom 
do, we take them out to lunch or dinner. If we get sick we 
go to the hospital, and if we run out of supplies we order 
some sent up. 

Mrs. S. And there are no cattle to git out and no ivy 


12 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


to git poisoned on. The city seems to be a dull place to git 
into, but don’t you forget what I said about the bronze 
gobbler and the white Emden gander and the full-blooded 
white Leghorn rooster. 

Bartholomew. You will forget that gobbler when you 
see the new opera house all lighted up with colored lights 
and you and father can go out to moving picture shows 
every afternoon and say, mother, I am going right now 
to order the bills and have dinner ready when I come back. 
I wish we could have chicken and biscuit with gravy. In 
fact, I would like them just soaked and sozzled in gravy. 
{Exit L.) 

Joshaway (shouts). Bartholomew! 

Bartholomew enters L. 

Joshaway. Now you remember what we said about old 
Yaller and the snip faced colt and the fanning mill and 
there was one more thing I wanted to ask you. Is there 
a Grange in Buffalo ? 

Bartholomew. A Grange ? 

Mrs. S. Yes, a Grange. Did you ever hear of such a 
thing? I am a Granger died in the wool and so is your pa. 
Don’t stand there like a wooden-headed numskull. Your 
pa asked if there was a Grange in Buffalo. 

Bartholomew. I never heard of any. What would a 
rube order like the Grange do in Buffalo. 

Joshaway. What did you call it, my son? 

Bartholomew. I said rube order. When you get down 
there, you can join the Masons and mother can join the 
Eastern Stars. 

Mrs. S. Pa join the Masons? Never, while I live. 

Bartholomew. Then dad can join the Odd Fellows 
and you the Rebeccas. 

Mrs. S. The Grange is good enough for ns, ain’t it, pa? 

Joshaway. Yes it is and they need a Grange in Buffalo 
to hold them level and I shall write to Brother Godfrey to 
come down and organize one. 

Bartholomew. Well, I must go. Don’t call me back 
again. Say, why cant we have coffee for dinner? We 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. * 


13 


have been having cocoa and Russian tea lately and I want 
some of mother’s coffee with lots of cream. 

Mrs. S. All right. You better plan to keep bobtail and 
whitefoot too. Pa can hire them kept somewhere. 

Bartholomew. You had better go to taking up carpets. 
(Exit L.) 

Mrs. S. (gets two hammers and a screw driver, gives one 
to Josiiaway). I think we had better take this carpet up 
first. (Have a strip lightly tacked dozen in the kitchen.) 

Josh a way. Well if I must, I must, but this is doing 
things up pretty lively. If you and Bartholomew are set 
upon going, I will have to give in, but I want you to under¬ 
stand, Matilda, that I’m opposed to going first, last and all 
the time. (Both begin taking oat the tacks.) 

Mrs. S. It will be nice to see the opera house. I shall 
love to see the colored lights, won’t you, pa? It will be 
nice not to have anything to do and to go somewhere every 
day and to lie in bed till noon and have fresh strawberries 
in January and just think, (rises) to go somewhere every 
day. 

Josh away. I like an entertainment in our Grange pretty 
well with a harvest feast afterwards. 

Mrs. S. And the Grangers thought a lot of my baked 
beans and rolled jellycake. Brother Duncan said that just 
them two things was worth coming after. 

Jositaway. And your cream pie ain’t ever spoiled, 
mother. 

Mrs. S. But them colored lights will be splendid pa, 
and to think we can stay right in bed till noon. 

Jositaway. Now Matilda, you know that nothing could 
keep you in bed later than 5 :30 o’clock. I hope you and 
Bartholomew won’t regret the step you are taking. 

Mrs. S. But pa, think of the red, blue and purple lights. 

Joshaway. I have seen the moon coming up over our 
clump of hemlocks when it was a pretty sight. 

Dorris Duncan enters L. Wears cotton dress, white 
apron and snnbonnet. She carries a covered grape basket 
on her arm. 


14 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 

Mrs. S. ( kisses her). Why Dorris Duncan, you dear 
child. I was just speaking about how your pa liked my 
baked beans and roll jellycake. Take off your bonnet. 

Dorris. What are you taking up the carpet for? I 
thought you had just put it down. Has bugs got in or 
have you spilled something? My but I hurried so as to 
get over here early. I fed the chickens, wiped the dishes, 
scrubbed the veranda and pealed the potatoes for dinner, 
put a yeast cake a soak and sprinkled the calico clothes to 
iron tonight and now I can stay all day. I brought you a 
setting* of red Minorca’s eggs and ma said that you needn’t 
send any eggs back ’cause you’ve given her lots of stuff 
(hands basket to Mrs. S.) 

Mrs. S. Thank you dear child. Old speckle is acting 
kind of fretty and I’ll bet a cooky that she sets inside of 
twenty-four hours and I was wanting some Minorica 
eggs the worst way (peeps into basket and takes out an 
egg.) What a big egg and how white. I’ll bet that will 
hatch out a pullet. Take off your bonnet and after dinner 
we’ll make that sugared sweet flag. 

Dorris. That is just what I wanted to do and I brought 
some pieces and I would like to piece one block of my 
double Irish chain and Miss Higgins came out and told me 
to tell you that the Grangers are getting up a surprise 
party for Mr. Perkins next Saturday night and they want 
you to come and bring baked beans and roll jellycake. 

Mrs. S. Do you hear that pa, there is a surprise party 
for the worthy master, Saturday night. I believe I better 
hustle around and take up a little collection to buy him a 
new umbrell with a gold nub with worthy master engraved 
. onto it. 

Joshaway. It’s no use making plans, ma. Bartholomew 
lays out to have us all sold out and gone Friday. 

Dorris. Gone, gone where? Oh, Miss Smith, you hain’t 
going to move away? Ma said she was all struck of a 
heap when she saw Bartholomew go by from the station 
this morning. She was afraid that he would coax you to 
go and live with him. 

Mrs. S. ( takes basket and sets it down by the doer). Yes, 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


15 


Dorris, it is so. The place will be sold tomorrow. You 
can take the eggs back home and tell your ma that I shall 
never set another hen. 

Dorris. And we can’t make the sugared sweet flag and 
you can't help me cut out the block for my double Irish 
chain and we was going to make lame Annie a little set of 
dishes out of egg shells and no one knows how but you and 
you said you would help me make my little sister’s doll a 
wig and a graduating dress. Mr. Smith said he would ' 
show Jimmie how to make willow whistles and cornstalk 
fiddles. Boo-hoo. (Dorris zveeps aloud. ) 

Joshaway. Don't cry, Dorris. You will have new folks 
in this house to get acquainted with, maybe some young 
folks, but ma and me will be far away and we will never 
find such neighbors as we had here in Crow Holler. 

Mrs. S. Neighbors? Dorris, we are going where there 
ain’t a rag-tag of a neighbor. 

Dorris. If there ain’t no neighbors, what will you do 
if you get sick? 

Mrs. S. If we git sick, we’ll be kited off to the hospital 
and our legs and arms sawed off before we can say boo and 
they don’t even take their meals at home- but go out to 
dinner and if they have company, they take um to a tavern 
to eat. 

Dorris. If there ain’t no neighbors, why you can’t run 
in and see nobuddy and you can’t swap calicos nor pansy 
seed nor borrow patterns of no one and you can’t have 
quilting ’cause there ain’t anyone to come and if you hull a 
mess of corn, you can’t give anybody a basin full, because 
everybody takes dinner out— 

Joshaway. And Dorris, there is not any Grange. In 
the great city of Buffalo there is no Grange. 

Dorris. It is the awfulest, meanest, worst thing I ever 
heard of. It’ll make ma as sick as a horse when she hears 
of it and I’ll bet pa will fly mad and swear for he always 
changes work with you in haying, but someone is knock¬ 
ing, Mrs. Smith. 

Joshaway (goes to door L.). Why, ma, here is Polly 
Pepper. Come in Polly. I’m powerful glad to see you. 


16 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


Enter Polly, L., very showily dressed. Shakes hands 
with Mrs. S. and kisses Dorris. Mrs. S. and Dorris greet 
Polly cordially. 

Polly. Oh, Mrs. Smith, I am on my way home and I 
stopped to tell yon I was so sorry I didn’t work for you 
when you offered me $3.00 a week instead of going - to the 
city. I thought I was going to get rich with $5.00 a week 
but oh, I have had such a wretched time and I am so glad 
to get back to dear old Crow Hollow. 

Mrs. S. Why you poor youngster. Set right down and 
I’ll make you a cup of green tea. Dorris, run down to the 
henhouse and get a couple of fresh eggs and I'll poach um 
while you toast a few slices of bread and pa you fix a fire 
and run down to the spring house and get that pitcher of 
sweet cream. 

Polly ( beginning to cry). Oh, Mrs. Smith, it is so 
lovely to be where people know you and where they are 
generous and kind. Don’t fix the lunch for I want to eat 
dinner with my own dear folks but I want to tell you that 
I will work for you and begin next week if you want me to. 

Dorris. Polly, wasn’t the folks good to you where you 
worked ? 

Polly. Yes, in their way, but I was just a hired girl 
and I had to eat alone and my room was cold and such a 
mean place. I thought of the nice little room I could have 
had here with Mrs. Smith and how I could have gone to 
church with them and the Grange and have gone home every 
Sunday and I got so homesick that I couldn’t eat or sleep. 
I could go out evenings there and one afternoon each week 
but I didn’t know anyone and I was afraid. 

Mrs. S. I am glad you came back, Polly, and you can 
begin work for me next week and we will do up your sew¬ 
ing and have a splendid time all summer. 

Joshaway. You forget, ma, that Bartholomew has gone 
to order the auction bills and that tomorrow we sign away 
the old homestead and sell all the stuff the day after. 

Polly. What does he mean? 

Dorris. They are going to sell the place and go and 
live with Bartholomew. 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


17 


Polly ( grasps both of Joshaway’s hands). Oh! Mr. 
Smith don't do it, you will die of homesickness. 

Joshaway. Well Polly, I know I’ll be homesick but 
mother wants to go and— 

Dorris. If you do go, I shall come and set on your steps 
and cry all summer and I’ll never take another stitch, not 
another living stitch, on my double Irish chain. Miss 
Smith, do you want to go? 

Mrs. S. I thought I did, but I guess I don’t. 

Dorris. So you want to go, Mr. Smith ? 

Joshaway. Me? Thunder and lightning, no! I have 
never wanted to go. I have been set against it all the time. 

Polly. Then what makes you go? 

Mrs. S. Pa, let’s don’t go. 

Joshaway. All right, mother, let’s stay here. 

Mrs. S. Oh, Joshaway, let’s stay right here where we 
built the house and where we’ve worked and saved and 
been happy. Let’s stay right here, where our friends are 
and where we’ve loved each other right along for thirty 
years. ( Goes over to Joshaway and points her huger at 
him.) What made you think I was tired of working? I 
want to work. I should die of fatigue if I rested all the 
time and as for lying in bed, where did you get up the notion 
of lying in bed till noon? Our backs would ache, I guess 
if we tried it; why, my back would be broke and you 
thought I wanted to go somewhere every day. What non¬ 
sense. I want to stay right here and work and be happy. 
Joshaway, let’s nail this carpet right back down. 

Joshaway. All right. Here’s a hammer. Dorris you 
help me and may you get the dinner. 

Dorris. And after dinner we will make that sugared 
sweet flag. 

Enter Bartholomew and John Austin Hazenstab, L. 
Bartholomew shakes hands with Polly and John with 
Mrs. Smith and Joshaway and palls Dorris’s hair. All 
shake hands at the same time with the exception of Polly. 
She does not speak to John but turns her back arid looks 
out of window. 


18 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


Mrs. S. Bartholomew, I am sorry that you and your 
father ever got up this idea of selling the farm and moving 
to the city because I don’t favor it at all. 

Bartholomew (laughs). Pretty good, mother, pretty 
good! 

Joshaway. To tell the truth, Bartholomew, we’ve 
changed our minds and I guess we won't go. 

Mrs. S. We shan’t go one step. I don’t see where 
Joshaway ever got the idea of selling the homestead. I’d 
never have signed the deed anyway; no, not if all the people 
in Buffalo had gone down on their knees to me, so if you’ve 
ordered the bills, you can go and countermand the order. 

Dorris (takes Bartholomew by the ear). No, siree— 
Mr. old Bartholomew Smith, you don’t get them away off 
down there. So, Mr. Smarty, you ain’t so cunning as you 
thought you was. They are going to stay right here and 
if they get sick we neighbors will come in and take care 
of them. 

Bartholomew. All right, Dorris. Your head is level 
mother, I did not order the bids, but I did telephone the 
man that he couldn't have the farm. 

Mrs. S. You blessed boy! 

Bartholomew. No, dad, I couldn’t do it. I went out 
and looked at the cows and remembered how we had raised 
them all from calves and how I hated to teach the little 
fools to drink. I looked at the old sugar bush and thought 
of the nights when you and I had boiled all night and 
cooked ham on the coals and roasted potatoes in the ashes, 
and I looked at the barn that I had helped draw the logs, 
to make the lumber to build, and I couldn’t do it. I found 
that I loved every stick and stone on the old place and 
wished I had never left it. 

Joshaway. And you are willing that ma and I should 
stay right here? 

Bartholomew. I don’t want you to ever think of stay¬ 
ing anywhere else. 

Mrs. S. Oh, you dear boy. And you want the old place 
yourself. It seems too good to be true. I hope Gladys 
Evaline won’t be disappointed. And you are actually willin’ 


JUST LIKE A WOMAN. 


19 


for pa and me to stay right here and work and be happy? 

Bartholomew. After 1 made up my mind that I couldn’t 
part with the old place, I went down to telephone the man 
that the deal was off, and who should I meet but Jack. 
Folks, let me introduce John Austin Hazenstab, Professor 
of Chemical Analysis of Soils, appointed by the state to 
conduct experiments on his own farm the coming year. 

Joshaway. I thought you was a great fool, John, to 
use that $500 going to school to learn to farm, but I’ll come 
over and get a few pointers when you get to going. 

Mrs. S. Here, John, I want to introduce you to Polly 
Pepper. She is tired of the city and is going to begin 
working for me next week. (Leads Polly to John, who 
takes her by the hand.) 

John. I thought you had forgotten me. I hope you 
haven’t promised to work for Mrs. Smith long, for I shall 
need a new housekeeper when I get my new house built. 

Dorris (throws her arms around Polly). Oh, Polly, I 
am so glad. You will live right next to us. 

Joshaway. Ma, when are we going to have dinner? 
Bartholomew, what do you say to building on the two hun¬ 
dred acres over on the other road and turning farmer 
yourself? 

Bartholomew. Do you mean it, dad? 

Joshaway. I’ll deed it to you after dinner. Ma, is it 
ever going to be ready ? 

Mrs. S. We’ll have it right off. There’s fried chicken to 
warm up and fresh butter churned this morning, and I’ll 
make cream biscuit, and there’s strawberries picked this 
morning, and there’s a cream pie. I’ll make a cup of coffee 
that will make your eyeballs jingle and I’ll have it ready in 
the twinkling of a lamb’s tail. 

' Joshaway. Wall, I’ll be switched, if it hain’t worked 
out all right after all. It looked pretty dark for a spell. 
And to think that mother tries to lay everything onto me. 
Talks as if it was me wanted to sell the old place. Wall, 
let her think so. But wasn’t that just like a woman? 

Curtain. 


The Old School at Hick’ry Holler 

By LUTIE FITZ GERALD. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comic entertainment in 3 scenes, 12 m., 9 f. Time, about 1 h. 
15 m. Scenes: On the way to school, the schoolroom, classes, re¬ 
cess, etc. The last day. Characters: Teacher, scholars, school 
director and visitors. It represents the old-fashioned school of 20 
or 30 years ago, and abounds with the fun and pranks of our youth¬ 
ful days. It is the same style of a school which a poet so well 
describes in the following lines: 

“The schoolhouse stood on Sandy Hill, a noisy, old-time knowledge 
mill, 

Where Yankee masters came to teach and wield the thought¬ 
inciting beech.” 

If characters are taken by prominent or elderly people it will add to 
its success. The funniest old school entertainment published. 

“ ‘The Old School at Hick’ry Holler’ proved a success.”— Marie 
M. Rotz, Bay, Mo. 


The Brookdale Farm 


By ROBERT J. BENTLEY. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Rural drama, 4 acts; 7 m., 3 f. Time about 2 h. 15 m. Scenes: 
Easy rural, 1 exterior, 3 interiors. Characters: Squire Brooks, 
owner of the farm. Mrs. Brooks, his wife. Marion, their daughter. 
Nan Cummings, adopted daughter, who combines mischief with 
work. Gilbert Dawson, a nephew and an unprincipled rogue. Roy 
Harte, in love with Marion. Ephraim Green, not as green as he 
looks. Dick, a tramp, a “true heart 'neath ragged coat.” Samuel 
Hunter, sheriff. Ben Holy, hotel proprietor. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—The Old Homestead. Ephraim makes a discovery. Mrs. 
Brooks takes a hand in the game. The love match. The plot. 
Squire falls into the trap. The quarry is sold. Ephraim finds gran¬ 
ite. “Too late.” Roy to the rescue. Gilbert foiled. 

Act II.—Good news. Ephraim’s sad experience. The deed is 
safe. Ephraim’s jealousy. The surprise party. Roy’s father in 
jail. Squire murdered. Roy accused. 

Act III.—Ephraim’s experience with the miners. Mrs. Brooks 
displeased. Roy explains. Gilbert’s offer. Roy drugged. The rob¬ 
bery. Ephraim takes a hand. The money is safe. 

Act IV.—The intended elopement. Sheriff Hunter’s hard luck. 
The bribe. Dick relates a story. The deed is destroyed. Roy’s 
return. The Sheriff’s duty. The accusation. The arrest. Retri¬ 
bution. 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 




A Daughter of the Desert 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Gents 

A comedy-drama of the Arizona Plains, 4 acts; 6 m., 4 f. Time, 
2^4 h. Scenes: 2 interiors. Easy to set. Characters: Harold 
Morton, a railroad surveyor. Clarence Ogden, a rancher. Samuel 
Hopkins, a land speculator. Pedro Silvera, a Mexican renegade. 
Jim Parker, a gambler. Bill Jones, a sure-fire sheriff. Ruth 
Arlington, a daughter of the desert. Mrs. Mary Ogden, a widow. 
White Bird, an Apache Indian girl. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—Clarence and Lucy have an adventure. “How dare you 
kiss a helpless girl, sir?’’ Silvera’s charge. Your father was killed 
by Charles Morton. The avowal of love. Hopkins dotes on custard 
pies. The Apache outbreak. “If I die, clear my father’s name.’’ 

Act II.—“It’s not my stomach, but my heart, papa.” Clarence 
wounded. The arrest of Morton. White Bird’s avow r al. “We shall 
bring the guilty to justice.” 

Act III.—How Silvera got a scar on the back of his hand. “I put 
it v there with my sticker!” “I am a man of honor and my word is 
my bond.” The rescue of Morton by cowboys. Ruth has the upper 
hand. Off to the Mexican line. 

Act IV.—“My husband ate two lemon pies and died.” White Bird 
clears up the mystery. “Silvera shot him in back.” Jones and 
Parker take a hand in the game. Ruth the richest girl in Arizona. 
Everybody happy. 


The Lonely ville Social Club 

By W. C. PARKER. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy, 3 acts; 10 f. Time, 1 y 2 h. Exceedingly lively and 
humorous. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—Time hangs heavily on the hands of Mrs. Jack Newly¬ 
wed and Magda Peachblow, and they resolve to form a social club. 
The representative ladies of the village make a 9 o’clock general 
call. 

Act I presents Lonelyville’s “four hundred.” The stormy session 
of the benefit society. Gladys is both seen and heard. General con¬ 
fusion. 

Act II.—Mrs. Newlywed attempts to form the social club. Mrs. 
Purse Proud on her track. Discovered. A stormy scene. The 
determination to present “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” 

Act III.—The town hall has been converted into a theater for 
the occasion. Gladys raises a row. Mrs. Steps and Mrs. Proud 
settle old scores. Ellen makes a show of herself. The performers 
are guyed by the • “audience” and the performance cut short in 
disgust. The windup of the “Lonelyville Social Club.” 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

.154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 





All A Mistake 

By W. C. PARKER. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Farce-coinedy, 3 acts; 4 m., 4 f. Time, about 2 h. Scenes: Easy 
Co set. Lawn at “Oak Farm” and drawing-room. Characters: 
Capt. Obadiah Skinner, a retired sea captain. Lieut. George Rich¬ 
mond, his nephew, who starts the trouble. Richard Hamilton, a 
country gentleman. Ferdinand Lighthead, who falls in love don- 
cherknow. Nellie Richmond, George’s wife. Nellie Huntington, a 
friend. Nellie Skinner, antiquated but still looking for a man. 
Nellie McIntyre, a servant. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—The arrival of George and his bride. A friend in need. 
The old maid and her secret. Ferdy in search of a wife. George’s 
jealousy. The sudden appearance of a most undesirable party. 
George’s quick wit prevents discovery. 

Act II.—The plot thickens. ‘Cornelia in search of her “Romeo.” 
The downfall of Ferdy. Richard attempts to try the “soothing 
system” on a lunatic. George has a scheme connected with a fire 
in the furnace and some pitch tar. Richard runs amuck amid gen¬ 
eral confusion. 

Act III.—The Captain arms himself with a butcher knife and 
plans revenge. Nellie hopelessly insane. The comedy duel. “Ro¬ 
meo” at last. “Only one Nellie in the world.” The unraveling of 
a skein of mystery, and the finish of an exciting day, to find it was 
“All a Mistake.” 


A Busy Liar 

By GEORGE TOTTEN SMITH. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Farce-comedy, 3 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2\i h. Scenes: Easy to 
set, 1 exterior, 2 interiors. Characters: Simeon Meeker, who told 
one lie. Judge Quakely. Senator Carrollton. Macbeth, a hot-headed 
Scotchman. Dick, in a matrimonial tangle. William Trott, a re¬ 
cruit. Job Lotts, another one. Mrs. MacFarland, everybody’s 
friend. Tennie, with a mind of her own. Janet, a Scotch lassie. 
Mrs. Early, a young widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—Off to the war. A paternal arrangement of marriage. 
Janet of the Macbeth clan. Some complications. Meeker and the 
Widow. A lapse from truth. Meeker made captain. “You are 
afraid to go.” “Afraid? Never!” 

Act II.—In camp. Captain Meeker and strict discipline. The 
Widow, the Judge and the Senator court-martialed. The Widow 
wins. Another lie and more complications. An infuriated Scotch¬ 
man. “You held her in your arms.” “She is my wife.” 

Act III.—The ball. “Not military matters, but matrimony.” 
“Another of Meeker’s fairy stories.” The Captain in kilts. “The 
funniest thing I ever saw.” The Widow untangles a tangle of lies. 
A lass for every lad. Peace proclaimed. Meeker remains “at the 
base of supplies.” 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 




On the Little Big| Horn 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Gents 

Western comedy-drama, 4 acts; 10 m., 4 t Time, 2% h. Scenes; 
2 interiors, 1 exterior. Easy to set. Characters: Ludlow, a cavalry 
officer. Winston, a West Pointer. Carleton, an Indian agent. Gra¬ 
ham, commandant of Ft. Winslow. Dakota Dan, a scout. O’Raf¬ 
ferty. an Irish sergeant. W T ar Eagle, a Sioux Indian chief. Hop 
Smg, a Chinese cook. Hanks, a telegraph operator. Martin, a 
trooper. Beryl Seymour, the belle of the garrison. Rose-of-the- 
Mist, a pretty Indian maiden. Sue Graham, a soubrette. Mrs. 
Spencer, a talkative widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—The Major’s suspicion. Rose reveals a secret. News of 
the Indian uprising. “This is what love has brought me to.” The 
abduction. A soldier’s oath. “To the rescue—then justice.” 

Act II.—“The Indians are coming.” A scared Chinaman. “Savee 
Hop Sing’s pigtail.” Rose offers to give herself up to Spotted Face 
to save the palefaces. The avowal of love. “We will fight and die 
together.” The rescue. 

Act III.—A message from the President. The wire is cut. “This 
is the the work of Carleton.” “The testimony is perjured and the 
documents are forgeries.” “I believe you innocent.” “You are to 
be shot at sunrise.” Beryl to the rescue. Beryl at the telegraph 
key. The reprieve. 

Act IV.—A scout’s experience with a Chinaman. “I love ye, 
Rose.” “We talk to parson.” Saved by an accident. “We will 
surprise mamma and papa.” Hop Sing goes on strike. Carleton 
in disguise returns. “I will kill you and have my revenge.” Rose 
shoots Carleton. The reunion. “It is God’s way.” 


An American Hustler 

By WILLIAM S. GILL. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy-drama, 4 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2% h. Scenes: Laid in 
Idaho and Chicago. Easy to set, 1 exterior, 3 interiors. Characters: 
Major Bob, editor of the “Eagle’s Scream.” Rawdon, a gambler. 
Steve, a young miner in hard luck. Old Joe, a miner who 
doesn’t mine. Duxum, a lawyer. Binks, his clerk. Servant. Ame¬ 
lia, Old Joe’s daughter. Priscilla, principal of a young ladies’ sem¬ 
inary. Annie, a deserted wife. Mary, the maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—In Paradise. The Major says something. 

Act II.—Law office in Chicago. The Major learns something. 

Act III.—Miss Fagg’s Seminary. The Major tells something. 

Act IV.—Apartment in Major’s house. The Major introduces 
something. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 





The Heiress of Hoetown 

By HARRY L. NEWTON AND JOHN PIERRE ROACH. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A rural comedy, 3 acts; 8 m., 4 f. Time, 2 h. Scenes: 2 ex¬ 
teriors. Characters: Jimmie Blake, a physical culturist. Jack 
Wright, a civil engineer. Ezra Stonyboy, the postmaster. Count 
Picard, waiting at the church. Corporal Cannon, a veteran. White 
Blackstone, dealer in titles. Congressman Drybottle, a power in 
politics. Doolittle Much, constable and proprietor of the village 
hack. Mary Darling, an heiress. Jane Stonyboy, with ideas. Tillie 
Tung, the village pest. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—Borrowing a screen door. Blackstone, a dealer in titles. 
Mary comes back home. Blackstone wants Jimmie to travel for his 
health. “One hundred thousand dollars as expense money.” “No, 
I am going to a strawberry festival and that’s worth more to me.” 
The lost necklace. The proprietor of the village hack discovers 
something. “She’s a fine gal, she is.” 

Act II.—The Strawberry Festival. Blackstone schemes a quick 
marriage. A busy time for Doolittle Much. “Search that man, 
Constable!” The necklace is found on the wrong man. “Any man 
caught with no visible means of support can be arrested as a com¬ 
mon vag.” The Count is “pinched.” 

Act III.—The siege of Hoetown. The Count works out his fine 
on the highway. “Shark, you’re a liar!” The financial panic and 
the loss of Mary’s money. The Count and Blackstone get “cold 
feet” and hike for old Broadway. Mary loses her home. “Come 
on, kid, I’ve got carfare.” 


Mirandy’s Minstrels 

By SOPHIE HUTH PERKINS. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A Female Minstrel entertainment. A complete ladies’ minstrel 
show, full of novel ideas for costumes, finale, etc. Contains new 
jokes, gags, cross-fires, monologues and stump speeches. Ending 
with a most laughable farce, “Mrs. Black’s Pink Tea,” for 10 
female characters, which is a gem of humor. Those that have 
“put on” female minstrels and know the difficulty of obtaining suit' 
able material, will be delighted with this book. It is highly humor¬ 
ous, yet refined enough for any audience. 


The Third Decree 

By MAYME RIDDLE BITNEY. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A female burlesque initiation; 12 f. and any number of members. 
Time, about 40 m. Scene: Any lodge room. Characters: Head 
Officer, Instructors, Assistants, Marshal, Doorkeepers, etc. It is 
unique, as it calx be used as an initiation for any society or lodge or 
as an entertainment. Brim full of fun and action, yet not too bois¬ 
terous. Will please all women. 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 





DENISON’S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 


M. F. 


Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 
Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min.3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min.4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 
Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min.6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min.3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pump'kin Case, 30 min...12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min.t 1 

I’m Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 
Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min.4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min. 8 

Mike Donovan’s Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 
Mother Goose’s Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 
Mrs. Carver’s Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins’ Book Agent, 30 

• min.3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr..4 3 

My Neighbor’s Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min.4 3 

My Wife’s Relations, 1 hr.4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min.3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min.. . 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min.1 1 

Patsy O’Wang, 35 min.4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 
Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min...6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min.4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min.2- 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 
Taking Father’s Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min.3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min.3 2 

Those Re/d Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min. 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min.3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m.. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 
Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 
Two of a Kind, 40 min....„..2 3 
Uncle Dick’s Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 
Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min.1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 
Who Is Whp? 40 min..... ...3 2 
Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min.. 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr.7 3 


VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, &.ON* 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS* 

M. F. 

Ax’in’ Her Father, 25 min.2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m.. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min.2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min.1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min.2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min.2 : 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min.2 

For Reform, 20 min.......... 4 

Fresh Timothy H£y, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min.. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min.1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min.1 

Home Run, 15 min.1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min.2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min.4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min.3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min.1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min.... 1 1 

Mr. Badger’s Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min.2 

Pete Yansen’s Gurl’s Moder, 10 


min..1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min......2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black’s Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min.2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min.4 2 

Si and I, 15 min............. 1 

Special Sale, 15 min.. .... 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min. 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min.2 


Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min.1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min.5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 


A dreat number of 
Standard and Amateur Plays 
not found here are listed in 
Denison’s Catalogue. 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 
































































POPULAR ENTERTAINI 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 


LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




0 017 4 01 159 ft 


IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter¬ 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov¬ 
er design. 


DIALOGUES 

A11 Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 

Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children’s Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 

The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

50,000 copies sold. 

From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 

Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 

Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child’s speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations,monologues,dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of masterminds. 
The Poetical Entertainer. 

For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 
Scrap-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu¬ 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe¬ 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 


DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 

The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 

Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 

Children’s Parly Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 
games. 

The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little F oiks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 

Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 

One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 

Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 
Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Swaying 
Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 

Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 

Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 

Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American loker. 

Minstrels’ and end men’s gags. 

A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches,etc. 

Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 

The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc . 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. 


T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago* 


muq »axT5 


PATRIOTIC 
CUEBMIONS 



TS DENISON A. COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS 

C CHICAGO J 














































